Thoughts on hope, faith and being humbled -- and for better or worse...

Time for some home-front news -- this one is long, bare with me. Keep in mind the title of this blog. A little about Elder Reid, but mostly about my thoughts on the new trials we are facing.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Keith and I had the opportunity to spend the weekend in LA (Redondo Beach) after I attended a conference for work. Little did we know that after returning home the rug, or life as we know it, would get ripped from under us - or so it felt. As many know, we both work for the same company and there have been, and continue to be a lot of lay-offs due to the rocky economy. Keith has been there 23 years, and I have been there 13. A few years ago Keith ventured into Quality Assurance and has loved it. However, the area he was in was a tad un-stable. He stuck it out hoping for the best but luck ran out.

It happened to be conference weekend right after the lay-off. I can't think of a more perfect time for Conference. I don't know that the words and talks have ever hit me with such power and conviction. I started the weekend feeling shocked, picked on, panicked -- why us? But when conference started I was immediately in awe. I felt the spirit so strong and with that a sense of renewed hope, peace, comfort -- and very very humbled.

Four dates keep coming to mind when I ponder the word "humble"...

• The year 1997 (my 15 yr old nephew passed away in a tragic accident, and my beloved grandmother also passed)


• September 11, 2001 (need I say more?)


• 2002 (Keith's first lay-off)


• 2003 (Father-in-law's passing)

When I think back at these days, I do fully remember the on-slaught of coming to grips with a new and unfortunate "life realities" - shock, grief, anger, why me? all rolling around in my head. Looking back however, those feelings of dispair can be so brief before the comforter (if invited) kicks in.

My father-in-law was a huge part of our lives. He was adament that he didn't want to die in a hospital bed (he battled many cancers) and we promised him that when the time came -- we would move him into our home and make him as comfortable as possible. The day we got that phone call, I panicked. "It's time" -- I remember him saying those words to Keith. The doctors were looking at us, talking hospice, and pain medications and my head was spinning. Blythe and Derek were teenagers at the time, and I remember thinking -- we are bringing him home to spend his last days on earth with us, in our home -- I can't do this!!! What will this do to the kids? Can I really handle this? Will our house seems "different" after? I could write a novel on those 2-3 short weeks we had with him. What I learned quickly was, we don't have to go through trials alone, we have the comforting spirit with us -- guiding us, giving us strength and compassion we didn't know existed. Those were the most precious days and the spirit in our home was so strong! Hard yes, but precious? - absolutely - and I wouldn't change a thing. One of my favorite memories is watching him eat his favorite homemade pie that Keith's sister brought over. He was grinning ear to ear! We told him he didn't have diabetes anymore and he was one happy camper! He was a great man! And I feel honored and blessed that we had that time with him and all his family and friends. And I do feel Blythe and Derek are more compassionate, and also appreciate the experience we had caring for him in his final days.

A couple of years before (Jan. 1997) my nephew passed in an accident - just shy of his 16th birthday. A few months later, the only grandmother I ever knew, also passed. Hard year? Yes, but I had this comforting spirit with me -- I felt it! I missed it, in fact, when it left. Are those our guardian angels?

So with this last lay-off, I've decided I don't know what I would do without trials in my life. On one hand, wouldn't it be nice if life were always smooth and simple? On the other, sometimes when that happens we draw away from the things that matter most. It's so easy to get in our comfort zone, to get complacent, worldy, to take our loved ones for granted. To have less patience and appreciation for the things that matter most.

With this new trial, all the sudden life has new meaning. Simple things seem more precious. I felt so panicked when we first learned of Keith's lay-off. He had been feeling a little un-easy about three weeks before it happened. However, every time I went to the Lord in prayer I felt a peace and assurity so profound - and I just knew everything was going to be OK. So when he really got laid off, I was thinking -- now wait a minute... did I mis-read that feeling? But now I know, the Lord was letting me know -- everything is going to be OK. The outcome was not what I was praying for, but the answer remains the same. And without a doubt, I know He hears our prayers -- and I know He loves us.

The first thing I gained is a renewed appreciation for is my husband. Something so simple as sleeping next to him at night, I just want to "be" next to him -- I've never been a snuggler when I'm sleeping - but lately I need him right by me -- holding me, and me him. It's that needed reassurance that -- yep, we'll get through this one too! I love him, he's a great man and a great father, a wonderful friend and companion.

Backing up to the LA trip again. I stubbed my toe (hard) on Keith's foot while we were walking along the beach. It swelled and turned black and blue -- but felt fine as long as I wore flip flops. Two weeks later, when I still couldn't get my regular shoes on I went to the Doc. He confirmed what I already knew - it's broke. The Doc tapes my little toe next to the other one and gives me this lovely little boot thing to wear and sends me on my way. I hop in the car and start heading home and I think -- well, they say bad things come in three. What's next? I'm not kidding, my cell phone starts ringing. Keith was at an "out-placement meeting" (oh joy) at Job Service clear across town and his truck breaks down -- won't go into gear. Well, there's #3! At his instruction, I buy a toe rope, make some frantic phone calls -- and head towards down-town Salt Lake. I get there, and Keith is in the truck, his head is leaning back in the seat -- and he just has this look like "I give up. Uncle!!!!" ... so we get some help moving the truck and he crawls underneath it and is able to manually shifts the thing into drive (bless his mechanical heart) while I got a death grip on the brake so the truck doesn't run him over. Once again I'm overcome with the power of what we can accomplish together, and all that we have accomplished together during our last 26 years of marriage.

The other thing I grew a renewed appreciation for is our friends, family, co-workers and ward members. The news of Keith's lay-off spread quickly and the phone was ringin away. Even casual acquatinances from work offering help, sending well wishes, putting a good word for him in other departments. People are genuiune and kind and want to help. Do you remember what it was like after 9/11 happened? How people smiled more, were more compassionate? That's what I've felt the passed couple of weeks.

So even though "why me... why Keith, why us" still creeps in my thoughts -- I quickly try to replace them with "OK Lord, what's next?" Keith was offered (and is working) a temp QA position at another site. It's unclear at this point where it will lead -- the program is too new to know the long-term possibilities. But it buys us some time to gather our thoughts and listen to the spirit. I am thankful for all that we have, we are so blessed. Our employment (especially Keith's) at this company has provided us with many blessings over the years and we are forever grateful.

If you've read to this point, thanks for listening. I am grateful for a loving and patient Father in Heaven. I'm thankful for church leaders and conference and the re-newed strength it has given me. And I'm forever grateful to my family and Elder Reid's obedience to his mission.

Speaking of Elder Reid, he's doing wonderful! And we want him to stay focussed and enjoy these last couple of months without worrying about home. Please if you're writing him, don't share the family drama on the home front (this too shall pass.) We have decided not to share anything with him at this point. What he's doing is far more important.

Thank you for your well wishes and prayers on our behalf -- we love you!